Saying Goodbye...

This weekend was my Grammer's viewing and funeral. What a hard weekend, probably the hardest I have ever had in my life. Bret did a great job with Grammer, she looked beautiful. Mom and Judy dressed her in a dress that screamed "Grammer", it was pink and it had rose buds on it and then it had a little white sweater that went over it. She wore little sweaters all the time, so that also screamed her name. Her casket was absolutely beautiful. She had picked it out a few years ago. It was kind of a purple color and on the inside it had a humming bird embroidered on it. She loved "hummy birds", she used to have a couple feeders outside her house in St. George and it was always fun at breakfast, to watch those amazing birds. She had some "hummy" pins on her pillow along side her as well. She had her tv afgan(sp?) blanket wrapped around her legs, she always had one of those near by.


We were able to have our time with her, to say our goodbyes. We were able to spend time as a family and grieve together. Then, it was time to close her casket... I had held it together the whole time, until this point in the evening. When Bret came up and started talking, I lost it. Jonathan wasn't able to be there, and so I had the girls there with me. I was sitting on a chair with one girl on each leg and I started balling. Julles then looked at me and said really loud, "Mom, don't cry!!! Only babies cry!" she repeated that a few times and I got it under control, but it was hard not to just wale!! This was my grammer, and that was going to be the last time I was going to see her actual face and body. There was a gentleman who was a friend of Grammer and Gramps and Bret's family who said a prayer, then we watched as Bret closed the casket, what a hard experience to have. It felt so final.

Saturday, the weather couldn't have been more perfect. It was a warm day with a nice breeze. We went and had a family prayer, said by my mom. She did a great job on it, I know that she was worried about it a little. We then filed into the chapel at the mortuary, it was full to the brim with people who knew Grammer and loved her. Rachel and Mandi (my cousins) sang a beautiful song called "Remember Me" and did a fabulous job. A gentleman who was a friend of the family was officiating the services. We did not have an official eulogy, instead... the grandkids each took 2 or 3 minutes and told our memories of her. My sister's and I went first because my mom is the oldest daughter. Then Stacey and her 5 girls sang "For Good" from Wicked. They were phenominal!! Then Brad's wife spoke in place of Brady who was not able to be there. She said very nice things and read a poem that Brady had written. Then Jana and Natalie gave their memories. Bret's kids; Rachel, Mandi and Chris spoke about what they remembered about her. It was so neat to hear what everyone remembered about her. One thing that everyone agreed on was that we never heard Grammer get angry, she was a great example of patience, and deep unshaken love of family. I was worried that we might overlap memories, but it was perfect. We all remembered the silly songs that she would sing with us in the car, or the fact that she was proud of you no matter what you did. She would introduce the kids to her friends like this: name, and what their talent was. For Kristy, it was, "This is my grand-daughter Kristy, she's funny, say something funny Kristy!" So, needless to say, I was glad that I went after Kristy when I spoke, because she had a very heartfelt, funny speech prepared. I was so grateful that Jonathan helped me put my thoughts down on paper, because when I got out there, I was so nervous, I would have forgotten what I wanted to say. Anyway... there was a family that performed "Ashokan Farewell", it was beautiful, and she would have loved that song. Bret had everyone send him picture's of Grammer to him, and they put together a great video with her favorite songs being played on the piano as the movie ran. There was laughing and some tears in this great video. It was very rare to get a picture of her by herself, so most of them were of her with friends or family. Then, the pallbearers stood up and moved to the door at the front of the chapel, they took her casket and moved it to the door to put in the hurse and then we heard bagpiper's. I started balling, it was so powerful. Those bagpipes make beautiful music.

We drove to the cemetary and Bret said a dedicatory prayer of her grave site. My cousin Chris and little Avery released monarch butterflies and there was one that just would not fly away. It stayed on Chris' finger for a while, then it went to the casket and the flower arrangements that were around. All the little kids were able to touch it if they wanted, and then just before everyone started to leave, it flew away. How neat it was to watch them all fly away. They were really beautiful.

We went to Judy's after for a luncheon and it was hard to be there without Grammer, it was our first "family gathering" without her. It was wierd to see Gramps without Grammer near by. It was nice that we were all together as a family to be there for eachother. The food was really good, and there was a ton of it. Judy's friends were fabulous and were there to help with dishes and making sure there was food out for everyone. Judy, be sure to tell them thank you for us. How lucky we all are to have good friends to help us out when things are down.

I must say, I thought that things would be easier this week, but they aren't. I find myself really tired, and thinking of her a lot. I find myself crying while I cook, clean or do laundry. But, how lucky I was to have her around for so long, and to have her in my life as much as I did. She was my only grandma that I ever knew. She was a huge blessing in my life, and I am glad I knew her. Saying goodbye is hard, but I am glad to know it is not forever, and that I will see her again.

Love to all my family who will read this, I am thinking of you each day. Thank you to all my friends who gave kind words and had me in their prayers this weekend, it was appreciated.